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F40 LM
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« Reply #375 on: October 03, 2008, 05:44:15 PM » |
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Lets get some political jokes Funny Wheels - Lets crack em on the Democrats yeh......
The teacher asks her 1st grade class if any of them are a Obama fan. All the mostly oblivious children raise their little hands except for Johnny in the back. The teacher being a little miffed about this ask Johnny why did he not raise his hand. Johnny replies "Because I am a republican." Teacher then asks "Why are you a republican Johnny?" Johnny replies, "Well cause my mommys a republican and my daddys a republican." The teacher smiles a little evil smile and asks "Well Johnny if your mommy was an idiot and your daddy was an idiot what would that make you?" Johnny thinks for a second, smiles and states "An Obama supporter." |
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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #376 on: October 04, 2008, 08:08:11 PM » |
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Lets get some political jokes Funny Wheels - Lets crack em on the Democrats yeh......
The teacher asks her 1st grade class if any of them are a Obama fan. All the mostly oblivious children raise their little hands except for Johnny in the back. The teacher being a little miffed about this ask Johnny why did he not raise his hand. Johnny replies "Because I am a republican." Teacher then asks "Why are you a republican Johnny?" Johnny replies, "Well cause my mommys a republican and my daddys a republican." The teacher smiles a little evil smile and asks "Well Johnny if your mommy was an idiot and your daddy was an idiot what would that make you?" Johnny thinks for a second, smiles and states "An Obama supporter." WELL DONE! |
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Mad Mechanics - Custom and Kit Cars Forum
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« Reply #376 on: October 04, 2008, 08:08:11 PM » |
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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #377 on: October 04, 2008, 09:20:05 PM » |
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From MacGyver:
401-K
If you purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago you would have $49.00 left.
With Enron, you would have had $16.00 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214.00 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg.
A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found Americans drink, on the average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Makes You Proud To Be An American! :O)
How is that for government thinking? No Bail out needed.
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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #378 on: October 12, 2008, 01:43:33 PM » |
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Do you know the difference between a person with their 401K retirement plan held by a Merrill Lynch stock broker and a pigeon?
A pigeon can still put a deposit on a New Ferrari...
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Greenmeansgo
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« Reply #379 on: December 06, 2008, 06:55:03 AM » |
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bump so you dont have to read spam
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jntramey
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« Reply #380 on: January 30, 2009, 08:48:27 PM » |
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38 things you SHOULD have learnt by now....
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think - they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Some one who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat
26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside - we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
38. Your friends love you anyway.
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FunnyWheels
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« Reply #381 on: February 08, 2009, 04:56:19 PM » |
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Funny Blonde Joke posted by viciouscrx
Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.'
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Any_Key
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« Reply #382 on: March 25, 2009, 02:37:11 PM » |
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New Investment Definitions
These terms have been redefined to fit current circumstances:
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET - A six to eighteen month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex!
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my broker has made me.
(S&P) STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the Toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a Nuthouse.
MOMENTUM INVESTING - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
'BUY, BUY' - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-Eleven for toilet paper and cigarettes.
CALL OPTION - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
YA HOO - What you yell after selling all you owned to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.
PROFIT - Religious guy who talks to God.
And so it goes.
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Any_Key
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« Reply #383 on: March 31, 2009, 12:54:34 AM » |
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A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Obama.
The president was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5.00 bill.
President Obama thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:
Dear GOD, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those rats deducted 95%.
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« Last Edit: March 31, 2009, 06:35:48 PM by FunnyWheels »
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MURCI-ME
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« Reply #384 on: March 31, 2009, 08:37:22 PM » |
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takashi1980
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« Reply #385 on: March 31, 2009, 10:33:06 PM » |
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hahhaha.. may i ask what is this actually  |
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MURCI-ME
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« Reply #386 on: March 31, 2009, 11:08:08 PM » |
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limarxy
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« Reply #387 on: April 01, 2009, 06:14:09 PM » |
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true story,
a guy buys a brand new lincoln navigator, puts 22s on it and rolls for a week all happy and staff, (car is financed and insured), then his boddies tell him to go ice fishing on the lake, so they take beer, fishing poles, dynomites for braking a top layer of an ice, shut gun for fun, two of his best friends and his stupid dog, they all packed up new navigator and went,
once they arived to the lake they drove to the safe thik ice and parked, unpacked, got thier beer open, loaded shut gun , fired at a far flying birds, then took a dynomite lite it up and throwed as far as they could to brake an ice so they can drill easyly,
Here comes the Dog, she probably thought that its fetch play time and went after the explosive , pick it up and ran towards the owner and his bodies, worried for their live they started firing at the dog , poor doggie got scared and went under the SUV , seconds later boom, the dog is gone so is SUV started to burn, then it melted an ice and the whole package sank to the bottom of the lake,
SUV $47000, Dog from local craigslist $200, dynomite- $35, to see the expression on owners face after the insurance told him the they dont cover the explosion and he has to pay for the loan on the car that he does not have any more is priceless,
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pinincoupe
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« Reply #388 on: August 27, 2009, 12:08:19 AM » |
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after the summer holiday a teacher asks her class of 7 year olds what they did on their holidays?
she looks around the class but only little johny's hand is raised up, nowing that he is a little naughty she asks the class if anyone else has any stories, but still no one raises their hand except little johny.
so she says to johny, ok what did you do in the holidays? he replies "me and my dad we stuck rockets up chickens back sides!"
the teacher corrects him "rectum johny"
to which johny replies "it boy did it, miss, were you there"
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« Last Edit: August 27, 2009, 08:39:45 AM by FunnyWheels »
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dratts1
Patron Class Member
Sr. Member
 Online
Posts: 478
I'm a llama!
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« Reply #389 on: September 13, 2009, 08:40:50 AM » |
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Just read your January list jntramey. Cracked up over and over!
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Mad Mechanics - Custom and Kit Cars Forum
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