Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Tools explained

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Tools explained

    DRILL PRESS:
    A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

    WIRE WHEEL:
    Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, shoot!"

    SKILL SAW:
    A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

    PLIERS:
    Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

    BELT SANDER:
    An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

    HACKSAW:
    One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your
    future becomes.

    VICE-GRIPS:
    Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

    OXY-ACETYLENE TORCH:
    Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

    TABLE SAW:
    A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

    HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
    Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

    BAND SAW:
    A large stationary power saw primarily used by most workshops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the dustbin after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside
    edge.

    TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
    A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

    PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
    Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

    STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
    A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

    PRY BAR:
    A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 pence part.

    HOSE CUTTER:
    A tool used to make hoses too short.

    HAMMER:
    Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

    UTILITY KNIFE:
    Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund cheques, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

    SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
    Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

    ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D


  • #2
    Re: Tools explained

    Laughed so hard I cried!!!
    The descriptions are SO true. I would change the standard screwdriver part to say "covert standard slot head screws to threaded rivets" and add the overlooked function of " adjacent human body part aerator and painted surface engraving tool". ;D

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Tools explained

      Wow!!! I needed that!

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Tools explained

        Hilarious! But at first I thought you were going to say something about Charlie Sheen based on your subject title.

        Originally posted by jntramey
        I would change the standard screwdriver part to say "covert standard slot head screws to threaded rivets" and add the overlooked function of " adjacent human body part aerator and painted surface engraving tool". ;D
        I'd change standard screwdriver to "A device used to unscrew philips head screws after they've been stripped and you cut a slot in them with a dremel tool." ;D
        [url]http://www.madmechanics.com/forum/build-diaries/8454-my-official-ad355-build-thread-sactodreamer.html[/url]

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Tools explained

          Originally posted by jntramey
          Laughed so hard I cried!!!
          The descriptions are SO true. I would change the standard screwdriver part to say "covert standard slot head screws to threaded rivets" and add the overlooked function of " adjacent human body part aerator and painted surface engraving tool". ;D
          "threaded rivets" LOL. So true

          Great stuff!!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Tools explained

            ANGLE GRINDER
            A tool that has an exploding disk that catches on to steel and throws itself at your neck..

            Yep it hurts!

            ???
            Regards
            Nick

            Twin turbo V8 Zonda inspired thingy

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Tools explained

              Originally posted by nicktruman
              ANGLE GRINDER
              A tool that has an exploding disk that catches on to steel and throws itself at your neck..

              Yep it hurts!

              ???
              You can lie to the lady, but we know that's a hickey that you tried to hide using an angle grinder

              J/K

              I dont have pictures of it, but when i was younger (and even more stupid than i currently am) i used a wire wheel in something that i very much shouldn't have (die grinder) and umm.. lotta metal spikes sticking out of my shin lol, good thing for safety glasses. Who knew that wire wheels dont liek to spin at 30,000 rpm or whatever that thing spins at lol.


              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Tools explained

                OUCH!
                [url]http://www.madmechanics.com/forum/build-diaries/8454-my-official-ad355-build-thread-sactodreamer.html[/url]

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Tools explained

                  Thank god that piece didn't end at the eye balls...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Tools explained

                    loved it
                    more more grp etc

                    Comment

                    Unconfigured Ad Widget

                    Collapse
                    Working...
                    X